“Don’t talk about politics or religion!” This seemingly wise advice has been given numerous times to ensure civilized social gatherings, but have we taken it too far? In the wake of the US election results and with the holidays fast approaching, conflict and my thoughts on it are top of mind.
Pause for a moment and allow yourself to feel whatever emotions come up for you when you read the word: Conflict.
Did you feel stress or anxiety? Or did you welcome it? In your mind, is conflict something to be avoided or cherished?
As a leadership expert, many of my clients will ask me if I have training on conflict resolution. Having skills to come to a decision between several parties is critical in life and business, but are they seeking this training to enable their team to have spirited, productive conversations, or as a means to learn how to “keep the peace” or to deal with specific boisterous individuals?
Our culture has been treating conflict as if it’s a bad thing, when the reality is that, without conflict, nothing changes. Nothing new is created, no new ideas are born, and people just learn to except what is given to them. This does not lead to excellence at work or at home.
We must relearn how to have healthy conflict. Here are some simple rules to help move you, your team, and your family toward healthy, productive conflict.
1. Disagreeing does not mean that you hate him or her. In fact, listening to someone else’s perspective on an idea, even if you don’t agree with it in the long or short term, may bring you closer to them. Which brings us to our second rule….
2. Your goal is to understand, not to convince. Most conversations go astray because one party is attempting to convince the other party that his or her idea is correct. When you approach a discussion with a goal to understand rather than convince, you’ll bring curiosity not a filibuster.
3. Focus on trust. Trust is a key element in every relationship. When we trust someone, we have faith that they will engage in deep discussions with respect, and even if it does get out of hand, we know we can repair the relationship. Building trust outside of the difficult discussions will improve your ability to have them.
For more information on how you can build trust and have better conversations with your team, check out my events and courses or book a call with me and we'll customize a plan that is right for you!
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